that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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