i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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