He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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