wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
