K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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