How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your dad touched me again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
