the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
