Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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