Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
