I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The beer is more important than you right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
