i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize