last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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