Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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