How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
