he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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