I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
