i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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