Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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