omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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