I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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