she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
