Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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