Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
