Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
