I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
