you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
