i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
