After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
