hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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