shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
