If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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