You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There was a lot of him and a little penis
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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