ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
