This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
