On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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