Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
