My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
