this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
