In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
