If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
