i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
