The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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