idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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