just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
