Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
