even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
