Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
