The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
