I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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