so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
