I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
