Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you had me at cake vodka
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
