I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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