Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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