when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
