i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
