3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
