Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
