You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
