Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
