Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
