Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
