I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
