My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
