Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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