We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
