Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
