All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
