I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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