I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
