The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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