oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Houston, we have a blender
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
