You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
