Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
