I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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