I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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