just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
