I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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