What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
