I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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