I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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