considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
