one two three fourrrrnication!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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