They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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