we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
