Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
