i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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