I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
