FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
