Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
