I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
