bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
